In my position as a confidence coach for teen and tween girls, we talk about friendship…ALL THE TIME. 

Girls come to me with QUESTIONS about friendship, PROBLEMS with friendships, and THOUGHTS on the future of their friendships.

When one of my clients goes through a “friend-break-up” my heart hurst so much for them.

I’ve been there (in almost every stage of my life!) 

I reassure her – that she is not alone, and this happens to – practically everyone at one point or another. 

She is normal, and I make sure she FIRST knows this. 

Then I tell her that friendships have a cycle.

There is the birth of a friendship, the duration of a friendship, and then… there’s kind of a cooling off time. I WOULD NOT call it the “death” of a friendship though. I have often seen  friendships go full circle, and reconnect after this cycle. 

When you are a teen or tween girl, there’s no way you can have this frame of reference because your life has been too short. As you are growing up, learning about yourself, learning about the world, exploring who you want to be, there are going to be changes in who you hang out with and why.

Your activities, interests, class schedule, job and MANY OTHER THINGS will play factors in who you hang out with, become close to, and consider your closest friends. There is no time in life when these things are in flux more than in middle and high school. 

For this reason, there will be times where someone that you have been close to for a significant amount of time becomes someone you are no longer as close to. 

I encourage girls to treasure the time that they’ve had with that person, and not let the current state of the friendship cloud the beautiful history that they’ve had together.

I do this KNOWING that the friendship cycle very well may bring their relationship back around again.  

Additionally, there are two other things that I think are super important for girls at this age when they’re considering their friendship woes. 

FIRST and most important, you absolutely have to know your own worth. 

You bring so much to every relationship. Wonderful gifts, the ability to listen, share, enjoy time and hobbies with others… the list could go on! There are so many things that you bring to any friendship or relationship you are a part of. IF, at any point, there’s someone in your life that doesn’t want what you have to offer, or can’t see how awesome you are, they are only to be pitied. While this is a very difficult situation, if you know your own self worth, it is SO MUCH easier to be confident in yourself, even in the absence of certain friendships. 

SECOND find your CHEERLEADERS. 

This is so important becasue self worth can be very hard to come by, when we’re down in the dumps, feeling rejected and it seems our friends are abandoning us. In times like this, it is important to know …Who are your cheerleaders? 

90% of the time, your cheerleaders are not your age. There are a variety of reasons for this – not the least of which is jealousy and most other young people dealing with their own issues at this point in life. 

These cheerleaders will be your parents, your aunts, and your coaches.

The cheerleaders in your life are your youth group leaders, teachers, and your mentors. 

Cheerleaders are the people that see your worth, and get to reflect it back to you in those difficult times. 

PARENTS: Make sure you are helping your daughter, build her community of cheerleaders. This “squad” so to speak needs to be built in the good times – to prepare for the more difficult times. Find people who she knows she can lean on, especially with friendships woes start to eat away at her self-worth.

These are the people in her life that can speak truth, speak life and can show her how amazing she is and how worthy she is. 

Cheerleaders are people who can act as a mirror, and an encouragement and will reflect back ALL YOUR AWESOME to you – when you are having trouble seeing it yourself. 

RECAP: 

1.  Never forget relationships and friendships are cyclical. They go through cycles, it’s okay and it’s normal.

2. Know your self worth, write it down, read it back to yourself, say your affirmations. 

3. Surround yourself with other people who know your worth and can reflect it back to you when you’re having difficulty doing it yourself. 

Disappointing relationship issues are bound to come around at some point. Girls, please know that regardless of what is happening with your friendships right now, you are awesome. You are amazing. 

I sincerely hope you have a ton of cheerleaders in your life that tell you the truth, and that you believe them. But if you don’t, hear it from me: I guarantee you, you are going to do amazing things, and anyone that is lucky enough to spend time with you, to be near you, and that gets to enjoy your amazing presence is so.stinking.lucky. 

Go choose your thoughts. Create an amazing life, so that you can change the world.