I want to talk to you about something that is so important for our young girls which is, their self image. I want to talk about the self image of YOUR daughter.
Unfortunately, this is something that is becoming a bigger and bigger issue. The incidence of anxiety and depression, eating disorders, and even as extreme as suicide all stem from how your daughter feels about herself, and her own self image.
I wish I could say that self image issues don’t start until they’re 13, 14 or 15 years old. But the fact is, there are a lot of reasons that these issues are becoming more and more prevalent, at younger and younger ages. It absolutely breaks my heart as a mom, as a teacher, and as a personal development coach.
One of the hardest parts about this issue is that often we don’t know what’s an issue with our daughters until it’s reached an extreme level. The truth is, girls are AWARE of the issues (and the solutions to a degree). We’ve been talking to them now in school, through after school specials and extra curricular activities…they know the in’s and outs of self image issues. They actually have a lot more head knowledge about how to avoid self image issues than any previous generation.
But they still struggle with it.
Also unfortunately is that BECAUSE they have all this head knowledge, sometimes they don’t want to talk about it, because they already KNOW the “answers”… but the issue still exists. If anything, our girls’ self-images are often getting worse (and we have NO IDEA!).
So as a mom, what can you do?
THREE things that will make a HUGE difference and go a LONG WAY towards improving Your Daughter’s Self Image:
Keep in mind these tips CAN and SHOULD be used at ANY AGE. These are tips that you can use to talk to her and encourage her to have a better self image.
#1 KEY to IMPROVING YOUR DAUGHTER’S SELF IMAGE: Focus on non physical characteristics.
As much as possible focus on her non-physical qualities and characteristics. To be clear it’s not bad, per se, to comment about physical characteristics. But when that is all your daughter is hearing, that is how she decides to measure herself. What gets measured, is what gets noticed. If a young girl feels (rightly or otherwise) that the PHYSICAL characteristerics are what is being measure (becasue that is what is MOST communicated) that is what she will notice about herself.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t EVER tell someone that they look cute, but here’s the challenge: For every one physical characteristic that you comment on make five encouraging comments about something that is not of a physical nature. Really challenge yourself to talk about how you see them working hard at something or a talent that they’re developing or how they served someone, anything that you can talk about in a positive manner that has nothing to do with their physical appearance zero to do with their physical appearance. It’s a challenge.
#2 VKey to IMPROVING YOUR DAUGHTER’S SELF IMAGE: View the media that your daughter is viewing…and then talk about it.
Talk about what they see. Talk about what that girl on TikTok looks like and what you think when you see that girl. Ask your daughghter what she thinks and feels when she sees that girl too. Whether it’s tik tok or Instagram or if you watch YouTube and she has a particular YouTube influencer, that she really likes to watch, whatever it is that she’s watching view that media with her. Afterwards (or during) discuss how she’s perceiving that person, particularly based on their appearance. Because those conversations are what will give her an accurate representation and the verbiage to be able to reflect on how constantly consuming certain body types or certain looks, or certain styles, are influencing how she thinks both about herself, as well as others.
Sometimes that discussion might lead her to not watch this particular person as much. Or maybe she needs to balance this media with something else? food for thought.
#3 Key to IMPROVING YOUR DAUGHTER’S SELF IMAGE: Find ways to help her build up other people, and increase THEIR self-image.
So when she sees other people, help her to consider how can she build their self image. What are specific ways that she can feed into other people? First, have her watch you do it and talk about what you are doing an why. You’re directly teaching her. Then you’re doing it together, so maybe you say something to her sibling, and then have her say something to her sibling that will build their self image. Finally, you challenge her to build someone else’s self image on her own. There are so many ways that she can do this through words, cards, letters, comments on social media. Challenge her by saying: How can you be a light on social media? How can you encourage others self image without commenting on their physical characteristics? What all can you say?
RECAP of How to Improve Your Daughter’s Self Image…
#1: Focus on non physical characteristics as much as possible using that five to one ratio, that magic ratio.
#2: View media with her and discuss what you see so that she can verbalize and talk about and reflect on what she’s seeing and what she’s experiencing.
#3: Help her to build up the self image of others.
All of those things are really going to make a difference in your daughter’s self image. The sooner you start, the better.
Whether you start when she’s three, or 13 or 33, or anywhere in between, these are going to be things that really make a difference for her in the long run.
Keep choosing your thoughts go create a life you love. And I know you’ll change the world.
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