DEALING WITH FAMILY DURING COVID  

Tween or teen girls…being in such close quarters, with your parents and siblings for this amount of time has probably taken its toll. You are annoyed, don’t get to see your friends much, and don’t have the freedom that normally you would have at this point in your life. 

REAL TALK: COVID/quarantine life is taking a toll on all of us. I wrote about this a bit more here – with some more tips for parents on staying connecting during COVID. 

Want to survive this time together (as it is hopefully coming to an end?) and maybe even have your family relationship strengthened? 

IF SO…

BOUNDARIES are what you need. 

(they even wrote some books about it – check them out here)

Boundaries is the Word of the Week. 

There are four different kinds of boundaries that – when used properly – can help you and your family come out on the other side of this even closer. 

even better communicators and really feeling like you’re able to, and wouldn’t mind being around one another. Even if you didn’t have to be because you were in quarantine. 

BOUNDARY #1: PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES

My person and my space. I have struggled with this. And I’m sure you’ve struggled with this. This is something that parents and teens have struggled with since the dawn of time. Physical boundaries have to do with who is allowed in your space. This includes touching, hugging, cuddling, or anything that would have to do with other people in your bubble. It also has to do with your room and privacy –  which is a huge thing for young girls! Do we have our own space? Are we allowed to have personal space – that we get to set the limits on the boundaries around? 

BOUNDARY #2: EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES

Are we able to feel and express our thoughts and feelings? Even during “normal” times, teen and tween girls have a lot of feelings and emotions. But right now also the rest of the family has a lot of big feelings, because of COVID & quarantine. Emotional boundaries are all about making sure that we are able to express ourselves fully and also understand what other people need to express fully. 

BOUNDARY #3: TIME BOUNDARIES

Are we allowed or able to say what we’re going to do with our time? Are we aware of how much alone time we need? Are we making sure that we’re not over scheduling ourselves? I know it sounds crazy, but we can still over schedule ourselves in quarantine with too many zoom meetings and obligations!

BOUNDARY #4: MATERIAL BOUNDARIES

Our stuff. What’s mine? What am I allowed to keep for myself? What is no one else allowed to touch or to borrow? Do I have the ability to say this is off limits? This is specifically huge for teen and tween girls, especially if you have siblings who happen to wear the same size of clothes! 
Knowing about the TYPES of BOUNDARIES…but what do you DO with them? 

In order for BOUNDARIES to HELP you family become stronger and better communicators….

You have to talk CALMLY and CLEARLY about your BOUNDARIES on a REGULAR BASIS. 

CALM

because… it’s very difficult for parents, to hear that you’re communicating a boundary, when you’re freaking out. 

CLEAR

because … you can’t expect people to respect boundaries they don’t truly understand. 

REGULAR BASIS

because … your boundaries might change from week to week. As a teen, your brain is changing so rapidly, that things that were okay last week might not feel okay, this week. 

MOMS & DADs & CAREGIVERS… 

We also have to communicate our boundaries. It is not okay for our teen daughters to just spew all of their stuff at us, especially the emotions, and expect us to take it all. 

SIDENOTE to teens/tweens: Some boundaries will NEED to be negotiable. You still live under someone else’s roof, so there may be some boundaries that you are requesting – that just aren’t in the cards regarding “your” room and “your” stuff specifically. 

One of my favorite quotes by Brene Brown is “CLEAR IS KIND, UNCLEAR IS UNKIND.” 

This is a motto for life – but especially for our communication and conversations surrounding boundaries within our family. 

Ideally “boundaries” are a language that you develop within your family. This will help everyone to be on the same page about what it looks like to communicate boundaries and to respect boundaries on an ongoing basis. If you are able to implement this during COVID and quarantine, your family will come out on the other side of this as a stronger and better able to deal with adversity.  

Finally, always remembering to have a dose of humility when we mess up. When we haven’t communicated our boundaries clearly, or when we have violated someone else’s boundaries, we need to be able to say; “I’m sorry, I was wrong. Forgive me. Can we start over?” 

Hope this helped you out, and that you have some great conversations this week about what your boundaries are, what your family’s boundaries are, and how you can respect them for each other for a better relationships in the future.

Keep choosing your thoughts. Create a life that you are excited to live. Because I know you’re going to change the world.